mysteries you're not meant for

On Winter Solstice, I attempted to do trance to get closer to my Lord.

Normally when I trance I go to my inner landscape: a cottage in the woods. From there I travel to where I need to go, be it the beach, a campfire, a waterfall....

I had trouble connecting; images were shaky and messed up. My head hurt and my throat was dry. I decided to try to go straight for the ocean.

I was wrapped in love and held, and started sinking deep into the water, into the Deep. Usually this would make me feel loved, warm, happy, but this was directly following a conversation with a friend about the death mysteries of Manannan.

I couldn't breathe. I started panicking, like I was drowning, and had to wrench myself out of trance to not have a full blown panic attack.

I sat up, shaking, and asked Him what on earth had just happened. I got a very clear answer:

There are Mysteries you're not meant for yet. 

Obviously I have more Work to do.

Prayer for Daily Devotion

Falling rain, boundless sea

Manannan, my Lord, speak to me

Cleanse my heart, my face, my voice

Give me clarity to make my choice

Forgiven

My Lord finally told me what He wanted from me, and I gave it willingly.

I have formally accepted His offer of being my foster-father, and now that I have severed my relationship with my biological sire, my only father is Manannan.

I spent years running from God the Father only to find it was Him I needed all along.

Notes from the Betrayer

I had to interact with Poseidon at Spring Mysteries Fest. This was a betrayal; my Lord does not like Poseidon, nor does he like me interacting with him.

I think, perhaps, he's lost folks to Poseidon before.

So I must make it up.

I am searching for a way to make things up to Him. I do not know what it is yet, but He has not withdrawn completely. I have faith this can work.

Loved by the Rain

And the sea, and the fog, and all the purviews of Lord Manannan. He is more than just the god of these things; he is these things and when I stand in the rain or swim in the ocean or let the fog cool my skin, I feel his presence and am reminded: I am loved.

He is the dark space between stars, and when I look to the night sky I do not feel fear at those spaces. I feel a loving, warm embrace; arms that hold the stars in their spots, arms that hold guideposts for lost travellers.

He holds up a lantern and suddenly the darkness clears. I'm no longer lost, because I've found him, and he'll never let me go again.