mysteries you're not meant for

On Winter Solstice, I attempted to do trance to get closer to my Lord.

Normally when I trance I go to my inner landscape: a cottage in the woods. From there I travel to where I need to go, be it the beach, a campfire, a waterfall....

I had trouble connecting; images were shaky and messed up. My head hurt and my throat was dry. I decided to try to go straight for the ocean.

I was wrapped in love and held, and started sinking deep into the water, into the Deep. Usually this would make me feel loved, warm, happy, but this was directly following a conversation with a friend about the death mysteries of Manannan.

I couldn't breathe. I started panicking, like I was drowning, and had to wrench myself out of trance to not have a full blown panic attack.

I sat up, shaking, and asked Him what on earth had just happened. I got a very clear answer:

There are Mysteries you're not meant for yet. 

Obviously I have more Work to do.